Wondering what to expect when your student comes home for the holidays? Here's some things to consider:
鈽 Let them catch up on sleep before catching up on conversation. You may be ready to hear all about their first semester, but your student may be too tired to talk. This includes the car ride home. Likewise, give them space; they share a small room at school and may be looking for alone time.
鈽 They鈥檒l want to see their hometown friends. Leave them time with friends at the start of break and be available to listen or plan family time later, when some students may start recognizing how high school friendships are changing.
鈽 Scheduling appointments: Things like dentist visits or haircuts may also be nice to schedule later in the break and not in the first 24 hours of re-entry.
鈽 Just for fun: Stock your pantry and fridge with their favorite foods or make their favorite meals. Or slip them some extra cash for a coffee with a friend.
鈽 Help them anticipate changes at home: Whether you鈥檝e redecorated their bedroom or a sibling is using something they left behind, mention it before they come home so the change doesn鈥檛 throw them off.
鈽 Discuss expectations in advance: Will they need to share the family car with a sibling? How will you handle family meals? Ask them for their input on things such as household chores, laundry, technology use, sleeping in, time with friends鈥攈ow may your expectations differ from theirs? The high school curfew no longer applies, but you can ask them to communicate with you if they鈥檒l be out late, as a responsible adult would, or to tell you if they鈥檒l be home for meals.
鈽 Prioritize events: Communicate any 鈥渕ust attend鈥 family events in advance. Students have been managing their own schedule for months, so as much as possible, ask them rather than tell them about participation in events. Beyond the 鈥渕ust attend鈥 events, be flexible, and help siblings or extended family understand when students will/won鈥檛 be available.
Suggestion for more family time: Ask your student to choose one activity they want to do with you and schedule it just as you would for an activity with friends.
鈽 Work schedules: Do they hope to pick up hours at a former employer or seasonal work, or are they expecting 鈥渄own time鈥 for three weeks? Another option: Suggest that they make their holiday 鈥渨ork鈥 be research for a summer job/internship or completing the named scholarship application for next year (due Jan. 31).
鈽 Expect new opinions or new ways of looking at the world. Be curious about who your children are becoming and give them space to share new ideas. Remember that college is a time of trying new things, engaging with people from different backgrounds and perspectives, and discovering who they are. Ask for context鈥攚hat internal thoughts and external circumstances are shaping them?
See 鈥溾 (Fuller Youth Institute, 2016) on talking with students about faith questions, political perspectives, new passions, and mistakes they鈥檙e learning from.
鈽 Discussing grades: Instead of offering your opinions on their grades, ask open-ended questions:
- What have you learned about yourself this semester?
- What will you do the same or differently next semester?
- Are there additional academic support resources available to you?
- What have you learned about your skills and interests from your fall semester classes? Do you feel like your current major is a good fit?
- How can I support you?
If your student is pondering changing their major鈥攖hat鈥檚 OK! Encourage them to explore and to talk with their faculty advisor about implications of such a change.
鈽 It's good if they鈥檙e ready to leave again. If your student is getting antsy to return to college and reclaim their independence, or if they are missing their friends from Calvin during this 鈥渓ong鈥 break at home, be grateful鈥攖his is a sign of how well they have settled in and that they are where they are meant to be. (And if you鈥檙e ready to reclaim a quieter home, it鈥檚 OK to feel that way too!)